Я очень ждала этого ребенка, но... не случилось. . А сейчас я и мой муж только и успеваем решать то одну, то другую проблему, и третья уже маячит на горизонте. У подруги уже есть ребенок, муж хорошо зарабатывает, все хорошо... А у меня... Мне плохо.

Спроси у психолога

Вопрос

«Сегодня моя подруга сообщила, что она беременна. Я, конечно поздравила и т.д… А в душе чувствую огромную дыру. Злость, зависть и ненависть…мне стыдно, но они есть. Я замужем уже 7 лет, много лет назад у меня была неудачная беременность… Я очень ждала этого ребенка, но… не случилось. А сейчас я и мой муж только и успеваем решать то одну, то другую проблему, и третья уже маячит на горизонте. И у нас на руках более бабушка моя… Вот когда она выздоровеет, снова начнется: «А когда ж вы детей-то заведете? Пора уже!» От этого » Пора уже» жить не хочется! У подруги уже есть ребенок, муж хорошо зарабатывает, все хорошо… А у меня… Мне плохо. Не жду от вас рецептов и волшебной таблетки, но все же… Хочется выйти из этой черной полосы.» Л. 35 лет.

Ответ

Вы пишете,что у вас много трудных и «неудобных» чувств по поводу беременности подруги. И злость,и зависть,и чувство несправедливости: почему со мной?.. почему у нее наступила беременность, ведь у нее и так всё есть… Возможно, часть ваших нынешних переживаний связана с тем, что такие «плохие» чувства относятся и к самой подруге. Возникает вина за это. Но это только часть переживаний. Видимо там, на глубине, вы не совсем до конца пережили эту потерю-потерю ребенка. Может быть , есть очень сильный страх,что это может повториться-и поэтому ваша жизнь устраивается так, что вам сейчас «не до беременности». Наверняка вы и обдумывали и выясняли причины-почему так случилось? Не знаю, удалось ли ответить на этот вопрос с медицинской точки зрения (что тоже важно),но в любом случае этот вопрос возникает снова и снова, вызывая и страх, и злость, и может быть, отчаянье, и вот эти чувства к подруге и к бабушкины вопросам про ребенка.. Проживая и контактируя с этими чувствами, с вашими мыслями и выводами по этому поводу, с ассоциациями и анализом-с чем всё это связано,-я думаю,вы можете продвинуться в изменении своего состояния. Вы можете сделать это с психологом-тогда это будет эффективнее.

Психоаналитический психотерапевт Преподаватель дисциплины «Основы взаимодействия психотерапевта и клиента» в программе высшего образования «Психология» ИППиП. Руководитель отделения психологического консультирования и психотерапии. Куратор студенческих групп / Ведущая программ повышения квалификации и тренинговых программ ИППиП

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